Recalibrating (Over) Reactivity

Written by Lydia Ievleva | April 26, 2019

Have you ever found yourself in a pattern of being accused of (or accusing your partner) of ‘over-reacting’ on hot button issues? That is with excessive anger? This can be frustrating and infuriating, and frequently leads to escalation rather than resolution. What is worse, and a bit ironic, is that legitimate complaints or concerns get…

Rewriting History to Create a Better Future

Written by Lydia Ievleva | February 18, 2019

Abstract The Rewriting History intervention is a step by step imagery guide designed to recreate memories as one would have preferred to unfold; thereby creating a better template for future opportunities – increasing likelihood of thinking, acting and feeling that is more aligned with personal or professional goals, versus falling back on negative patterns of…

Couples = Four in a Relationship

Written by Lydia Ievleva | November 12, 2018

Have you ever been accused (or accused another) of acting like a child when having an argument? Thing is, we are all recovering children; and our inner children do tend to make an appearance when in conflict with others. As I like to say, there are four of us in this relationship: you, me, and…

Relationship Barometer

Written by Lydia Ievleva | June 12, 2018

Relationship Barometer: A good sign to look for when on the fence about a relationship. We seem to be better at identifying red flags in relationships than noticing good signs. For example, researchers from the Gottman Institute (aka the “Love Lab”) at the University of Washington in Seattle, have developed a way to identify couples…

WYSIWYG: What you see is what you get

Written by Lydia | May 20, 2015

Mental Imagery is a central skill for optimising performance and achieving goals across the spectrum of human endeavour. It is especially effective in facilitating change—whether this has to do with adapting to change; or to changing how we think, feel and act. Change of any kind doesn’t come easy. As they say, old habits die…

Don’t be Adultish!

Written by Lydia | April 23, 2015

Here’s to the virtues of being child-like (versus child-ish). Ashley Montagu articulated it so well in a Psychology Today interview which appeared way back in August 1977, entitled: “Don’t be Adultish!” [My friends at the time will remember me raving about it?] Montagu lamented the hardening of the minds of adults as they take on…

Self-interest vs Self-ish

Written by Lydia | April 2, 2015

There is a big difference between acting in your best self-interest versus being self-ish. I remember it really hitting home for the first time by a counselling psychology professor of mine at Florida State University. Wish I could remember his name! Consistently acting in your own best self-interest can only be good for others. I…

Responsible to, but not for, another

Written by Lydia | March 20, 2015

Another major distinction I like to draw attention to (re. earlier articles on being child-like vs child-ish; acting in self-interest vs being self-ish), is that we are responsible to others, but not responsible for others.  I heard this one from Dr Eng Kong Tan, a Buddhist psychiatrist/psychotherapist who is founder/director of the Metta Clinic on…

For the Love of Dog

Written by Lydia | February 20, 2015

I often like to point out to fellow dog owners in the park—when we’re engaged in extolling the many virtues of our dog friends—including how they’re the embodiment of pure love—that the word dog spelled backwards = god! Which is why I also liken the characteristic wet dog shake—to a ‘blessing’.  Not something to avoid,…

Lessons from the Dark Side: Benefits of the smoking habit

Written by Lydia | January 19, 2015

Everyone who has been to see me—knows that this is my shtick—that everything about smoking is great for your health and wellbeing. Everything, that is, sans cigarette! I submit—that it is the relaxing and rejuvenating nature of the ritual more than the nicotine stimulant that smokers are most addicted to and have difficulty giving up….